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Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Change

Good morning friends…

Change happens.

It happens no matter if we want it to or not at times.

There has been sooo many changes in my life.

Things today I am thankful for are the same…

and very different from 2009..

To say I am the same person I was would not be a true statement.

Changes this past year have changed me more than I ever thought possible.

I have found strength I never knew I had.

We moved.

We have started new family traditions…

A Gifting Jar

A Gratitude Jar

Change happens.

22 years ago when I got married never did I think I would become a single mom.

Growing up all I ever wanted was to be married and have a family.

My marriage in no way was a fairy tale.

We had good times.

We had bad times.

We had times that were pure hell.

I took my vows seriously.

For better…

For worse.

Those vows though do not include adultery.

I thought I could at one point forgive and move on possibly healing our family.

I tried.

I can honestly say I did all I could to heal our family.

To bring it back together,

despite the great sacrifice I would have had to make.

So now my family IS healing….

without him.

He calls to say goodnight to the kids…

sometimes.

He takes them to the movies or bowling…

sometimes.

He will be in my life because we have children together.

He will not be my reason for waking …

ever  again.

When I look back, when I allow myself to think of the past…

I realize just how much I lost who I was.

Who I truly am.

I lost me trying to be who I though he wanted.

I craved to be appreciated…

To be loved…

To just be acknowledged.

Nothing I did seemed to produce any of that.

Since he walked out I realized I do not need validation from him.

Or anyone for that matter.

I am enough.

Since he walked out I have found strength I never knew I had.

When he told me he was leaving I thought I would fall apart.

That I would crumble.

That I would cease to exist.

I did not all apart.

I did not crumble.

I do exist.

As a matter of fact in so many ways I could not ever imagined just how well I am thriving!

The pain is still there, but I am finding ways to move past it.

Doing that just adds to my strength.

I still cry at times.

But I am healing.

I am alone,

But I am in no way lonely.

I have found an inner voice and strength that I just never knew was there.

I am looking forward to a new chapter beginning in my life.

I want to completely move on.

For this chapter to be officially closed.

To that day I look forward.

Until next time, keep building your inner strength…

Trish

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