Saturday, December 31, 2011


With 2012 fast approaching…as in tomorrow, actually less than 4 hours… I've had many people ask me what my new years resolutions are. The truth is I just plain do not make them…period.

I am making goals for myself though. One of which is to love and respect my body more than that food that calls my name and can wreck havoc on my health.
One way I'm doing this is by beginning 2012 with a challenge. Yes that is right!

Jules from "Big Girl Bombshell" and I are teaming up for the No excuses-Because I am worth it Challenge!  It was all her idea…Thank you Jules… And I instantly was "in" and all too excited to begin a new year this way.

We are starting the challenge tomorrow…January 1st(AGH with A weigh-in) and going for about 6 weeks or so. My 19th wedding anniversary is in February so thought I would run until the day before…the 19th, Jules is going until valentines days. Who knows maybe I’ll continue challenging myself after that…continue all the way through 2012 with this challenge. After all we all need support and accountability no matter where in our journeys to health we are.

Coupled with this challenge will be the kickoff to a juicing "diet" my husband and I are starting. He is going for 60 days, I am going for 2 weeks and then reevaluating how I am feeling. My biggest thing to accomplish aside from a boost in weight loss is the rebooting of cravings i.e. Have them gone!

When Jules dreamt up this amazing challenge idea, she reached out to MizFit aka Carla about her amazing My Trainer Fitness pack, who then put us in contact with LeAura Alderson. who kindly sent us some things to review…

Now there are NO excuses to NOT get a workout in! I love it.
Thank you Carla,  LeAura and Jules, this challenge would not exist if not for your help, input and kindness.

My challenge tools will be…MizFit as my personal Trainer via MFT packs

My Juicer(at least initially)

My EatSmart bathroom Scale

My tape measurer

My sticky notes for reminders

It is truly important to love oneself enough to make ones health a priority.

THAT is what my ultimate goal for this challenge is.

The side effects of that goal will be weight loss.…

  1. aiming for total of 40 pounds off (already down 19)

  2. better health…by default of diet

  3. More endurance…by way of exercise

What goals are you making? Are any challenges involved?


Wednesday, December 28, 2011

12 DAYS?!

Wow…I had not realized it has been 12 days since I last posted!

I am still here…all is great. Between the kids being home for vacation and a TON of posts running through my head but not actually making it to the blog, time has flown.

I will be updating some exciting things coming my way though…soon I promise. Is Friday ok with you? OK good.

So until then…have a great day!!


Friday, December 16, 2011

Another Day

Good morning…tis a beautiful day here on the coast of Maine! The sun is out, the temps are “mild” and I for one am loving it!

I just cannot tell you how happy I am I changed things up a bit.

My goals are still solid and as I said I have met some amazing people on this journey. I also want to thank everyone that continues to support me through my individual journey…no matter the way I reach my destination. The important thing is I get to my destination of a healthy weight and become more active.

I truly know having weight loss surgery is not an easy thing at all and I applaud all that have or are having it that made that decision that this is the best thing for them. It still may be for me, just not at this time. For me, I decided it was not at this point. I am healthy as far as that goes despite having a bad BMI. I do not take any medications, no sleep apnea, no health issues. I know I might be on borrowed time with this given my weight which is exactly why I am taking my health in my hands. Eating healthy and exercising. Two important things I would still have to do after surgery.

The most important thing here is I feel good about this decision…as hard as it was to make. The next important thing is my husband supports me in this decision and is on board with me. We actually have scheduled gym time in our weekly schedules to work out and encourage each other together at the gym. This is HUGE to me.

I look forward VERY much to sharing my daily eats with you as well. I have actually missed that aspect of blogging quite a bit. And I am also looking forward to getting back in and cooking…healthy…food…meals once again.

Until next time…


Monday, December 12, 2011

Support is Key

I had such a great weekend. Especially yesterday. Probably the best I've had in quite a while.

There has been something that's been nagging me.

Tugging at me.

Just could not put my finger on it.

It's really been a contributor to a lot of my apprehension regarding surgery. Though did not realize until last night talking to hubs.

A couple things actually. Not just one.

First I've always truly believed it is so much healthier all around to eat a veggie based diet. With surgery though protein is the most important thing I need to focus on…forever. With the small amount my pouch will hold I'd have a very hard time meeting that protein requirement. That's the first thing.

The second is when I initially agreed to myself to explore this option it was because I had learned about the sleeve and really liked what I read. What I saw. The whole idea of my innards not being rearranged, just made smaller.

I don't disagree with my surgeon as far as the bypass has been around and has a proven track record verses the sleeve. I have the best surgeon in my area. She is not comfortable performing the sleeve as she has done a few but because of the relatively newness of it has not come across any complications. On the one hand that's awesome!

On the other in her words I'd be a guinea pig because with the bypass she has plan a, b and c for what could potentially go wrong. I guess it really depends on how you look at this.

I did not want to be "a guinea pig" so opted with the bypass option.

I had another meltdown Friday night.

Panic attack.

I've also noticed I've been withdrawing more and more from many in real life. People I love, that love me.

Had to ask myself why?? Being apprehensive I get with my pending surgery. But the other stuff I just don't get.

I watched this last night with hubs. All I have to say is…

In the documentary the Dr. hit upon the whole plant based diet. That's when the above hit me…and hit me hard. I LOVE fruits and veggies and could very easily eat a plant based diet forever and be happy. I miss fruits and veggies.

A LOT!!!


After this revelation…wait.…let me back up. Friday night I had a revelation too. That's when I had realized I am not happy about having the bypass. I had said from the beginning it was sleeve or nothing. I sort of feel like I was pressured into it and…though I was not…the decision was actually taken away from me.

Seeing the numbers projected…to actually be 1xx by this time next year…was too good for me to ignore. Even though it would be with the procedure I wanted nothing to do with.

Now I feel panicked. I'm scheduled for surgery…that I aggressively pursued because of my insurance being where it is with no copay until the end of the year.

I have decided to not have surgery.

To cancel my bypass.

I just can't do it.

It's too much for me.

Maybe this time next year Dr. Toder will have more more confidence with the sleeve for me and be more confident with any complications that may arise.

Until then I'm not upset about all the time I've invested because I've learned a lot about myself and coping strategies. I’ve learned quite a bit and have met some amazing people along the way that I might not have otherwise.

I'm also not giving up. It was my Dr. telling me she strongly suggested Bypass surgery that really spurred me on and that's how I feel right now.

I've now lost 18 pounds and have no intention of giving up.

It truly is amazing how good I feel after making the decision to not have surgery. It's like a veil has been lifted…the day is bright…a weight taken off my shoulder. A new lease on life!

I want to thank everyone so very much for all the continued support through emails, comments and such and hope you will still be right here cheering me on as I continue down the path of my journey, now just taking another route, trying to find my way.

Until next time…

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Thank You

I'm sitting here this morning sipping on my sugar free instant breakfast with gingerbread flavoring feeling a bit better.

Last night I revisited my personal journal of reasons for and against surgery I made back in March when I decided to explore this route.

I spoke with my friend here that just had the surgery a few months ago.

I spoke from the heart with my husband Kevin.

I listened to Jules, McButter and Karen. Thank you for being "here" for me!

There is only 7 days, including today, remaining before the surgery date.

I am down 15 pounds as of this morning.

With that said, this morning my head seems clearer than yesterday. My emotions not so nutty. My outlook positive. I am moving forward with the surgery.

I know this is a tool I absolutely need coupled with the face to face and virtual support that comes with it. I Know my hormones are not helping my emotional upheaval right now. I also know I need to not watch cooking shows!

Yep I love cooking, cooking shows. BUT not such a good idea right now. I mean there are enough food commercials on TV as it is. AND even though I have made a conscientious decision to not celebrate the holidays we are bombarded with foods and food shows and all the talk is food!

Thank you again for all your kind thoughts and support. I just cannot tell you how much it means to me and how much it really helps.

So this time next week I will be at Eastern Maine prepping for surgery.

Jules also had asked if my husband would update my blog as I am in the hospital. The answer is yes. He will that night to let all that care to know how things went. I will then blog from the hospital as time permits via my iPod.

Until next Time…


Wednesday, December 7, 2011


Oh wow. Did not see this coming!!! Ok I keep trying to push these feelings out of my head.

To ignore them.

I keep telling myself to not listen.

It's too overwhelming!!!

I don't want to go through with this.

I don't. :( the thought of telling Kevin just… I don't know.

I have disappointed him so many times with this weight loss game. He has been so supportive through this entire process. Even following this strict pre-op diet. The first time I've seen him be optimistic about me finally getting to a healthy weight in a long time.





My head is spinning. Tears won't stop. I feel like I am completely going crazy!!!!

I feel like I will disappoint everyone. Especially the most important people in my life.