Tuesday, November 1, 2011

In the Mail

After a very upsetting morning I totally threw everything through the window.

No, not literally I just gave up...temporarily.

So what did I do? I went to subway and ordered a footlong BMT added three cookies, then proceeded to Walgreens where I bought 3 bags of half off Halloween candy!!

Ok I ate the entire sub and half the cookies then started into the candy. I managed to eat 5 recees, 3 kit kats, and a twix. then I stopped.

Did I mention my morning was pure stress? I've not felt stress like this in a very long time and it was not good. In the past I'd have finished off that candy and then been so sick. So progress yes but still not Good in light of my surgery that's approaching. No date yet.

Tonight I feel horrible, disappointed, frustrated with myself and really mad.

So when the mail brought an approval letter from my insurance company I felt a twinge of panic. it's imperative for me to get off as much weight as I can prior to surgery for my safety during surgery AND to avoid being opened up for the surgery. Where I'm going they're able to do it laproscopic using a robot BUT only if they can see around inside my abdomen....thus the weight loss to help shrink the fat around the organs, primarily the liver.

The candy is gone. I gave it away.

My mood is still blue. I'll read some encouraging scriptures.

My heart is torn. It will eventually mend.

I'm now freaking out. It too will pass.


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