Saturday, December 31, 2011


With 2012 fast approaching…as in tomorrow, actually less than 4 hours… I've had many people ask me what my new years resolutions are. The truth is I just plain do not make them…period.

I am making goals for myself though. One of which is to love and respect my body more than that food that calls my name and can wreck havoc on my health.
One way I'm doing this is by beginning 2012 with a challenge. Yes that is right!

Jules from "Big Girl Bombshell" and I are teaming up for the No excuses-Because I am worth it Challenge!  It was all her idea…Thank you Jules… And I instantly was "in" and all too excited to begin a new year this way.

We are starting the challenge tomorrow…January 1st(AGH with A weigh-in) and going for about 6 weeks or so. My 19th wedding anniversary is in February so thought I would run until the day before…the 19th, Jules is going until valentines days. Who knows maybe I’ll continue challenging myself after that…continue all the way through 2012 with this challenge. After all we all need support and accountability no matter where in our journeys to health we are.

Coupled with this challenge will be the kickoff to a juicing "diet" my husband and I are starting. He is going for 60 days, I am going for 2 weeks and then reevaluating how I am feeling. My biggest thing to accomplish aside from a boost in weight loss is the rebooting of cravings i.e. Have them gone!

When Jules dreamt up this amazing challenge idea, she reached out to MizFit aka Carla about her amazing My Trainer Fitness pack, who then put us in contact with LeAura Alderson. who kindly sent us some things to review…

Now there are NO excuses to NOT get a workout in! I love it.
Thank you Carla,  LeAura and Jules, this challenge would not exist if not for your help, input and kindness.

My challenge tools will be…MizFit as my personal Trainer via MFT packs

My Juicer(at least initially)

My EatSmart bathroom Scale

My tape measurer

My sticky notes for reminders

It is truly important to love oneself enough to make ones health a priority.

THAT is what my ultimate goal for this challenge is.

The side effects of that goal will be weight loss.…

  1. aiming for total of 40 pounds off (already down 19)

  2. better health…by default of diet

  3. More endurance…by way of exercise

What goals are you making? Are any challenges involved?


Wednesday, December 28, 2011

12 DAYS?!

Wow…I had not realized it has been 12 days since I last posted!

I am still here…all is great. Between the kids being home for vacation and a TON of posts running through my head but not actually making it to the blog, time has flown.

I will be updating some exciting things coming my way though…soon I promise. Is Friday ok with you? OK good.

So until then…have a great day!!


Friday, December 16, 2011

Another Day

Good morning…tis a beautiful day here on the coast of Maine! The sun is out, the temps are “mild” and I for one am loving it!

I just cannot tell you how happy I am I changed things up a bit.

My goals are still solid and as I said I have met some amazing people on this journey. I also want to thank everyone that continues to support me through my individual journey…no matter the way I reach my destination. The important thing is I get to my destination of a healthy weight and become more active.

I truly know having weight loss surgery is not an easy thing at all and I applaud all that have or are having it that made that decision that this is the best thing for them. It still may be for me, just not at this time. For me, I decided it was not at this point. I am healthy as far as that goes despite having a bad BMI. I do not take any medications, no sleep apnea, no health issues. I know I might be on borrowed time with this given my weight which is exactly why I am taking my health in my hands. Eating healthy and exercising. Two important things I would still have to do after surgery.

The most important thing here is I feel good about this decision…as hard as it was to make. The next important thing is my husband supports me in this decision and is on board with me. We actually have scheduled gym time in our weekly schedules to work out and encourage each other together at the gym. This is HUGE to me.

I look forward VERY much to sharing my daily eats with you as well. I have actually missed that aspect of blogging quite a bit. And I am also looking forward to getting back in and cooking…healthy…food…meals once again.

Until next time…


Monday, December 12, 2011

Support is Key

I had such a great weekend. Especially yesterday. Probably the best I've had in quite a while.

There has been something that's been nagging me.

Tugging at me.

Just could not put my finger on it.

It's really been a contributor to a lot of my apprehension regarding surgery. Though did not realize until last night talking to hubs.

A couple things actually. Not just one.

First I've always truly believed it is so much healthier all around to eat a veggie based diet. With surgery though protein is the most important thing I need to focus on…forever. With the small amount my pouch will hold I'd have a very hard time meeting that protein requirement. That's the first thing.

The second is when I initially agreed to myself to explore this option it was because I had learned about the sleeve and really liked what I read. What I saw. The whole idea of my innards not being rearranged, just made smaller.

I don't disagree with my surgeon as far as the bypass has been around and has a proven track record verses the sleeve. I have the best surgeon in my area. She is not comfortable performing the sleeve as she has done a few but because of the relatively newness of it has not come across any complications. On the one hand that's awesome!

On the other in her words I'd be a guinea pig because with the bypass she has plan a, b and c for what could potentially go wrong. I guess it really depends on how you look at this.

I did not want to be "a guinea pig" so opted with the bypass option.

I had another meltdown Friday night.

Panic attack.

I've also noticed I've been withdrawing more and more from many in real life. People I love, that love me.

Had to ask myself why?? Being apprehensive I get with my pending surgery. But the other stuff I just don't get.

I watched this last night with hubs. All I have to say is…

In the documentary the Dr. hit upon the whole plant based diet. That's when the above hit me…and hit me hard. I LOVE fruits and veggies and could very easily eat a plant based diet forever and be happy. I miss fruits and veggies.

A LOT!!!


After this revelation…wait.…let me back up. Friday night I had a revelation too. That's when I had realized I am not happy about having the bypass. I had said from the beginning it was sleeve or nothing. I sort of feel like I was pressured into it and…though I was not…the decision was actually taken away from me.

Seeing the numbers projected…to actually be 1xx by this time next year…was too good for me to ignore. Even though it would be with the procedure I wanted nothing to do with.

Now I feel panicked. I'm scheduled for surgery…that I aggressively pursued because of my insurance being where it is with no copay until the end of the year.

I have decided to not have surgery.

To cancel my bypass.

I just can't do it.

It's too much for me.

Maybe this time next year Dr. Toder will have more more confidence with the sleeve for me and be more confident with any complications that may arise.

Until then I'm not upset about all the time I've invested because I've learned a lot about myself and coping strategies. I’ve learned quite a bit and have met some amazing people along the way that I might not have otherwise.

I'm also not giving up. It was my Dr. telling me she strongly suggested Bypass surgery that really spurred me on and that's how I feel right now.

I've now lost 18 pounds and have no intention of giving up.

It truly is amazing how good I feel after making the decision to not have surgery. It's like a veil has been lifted…the day is bright…a weight taken off my shoulder. A new lease on life!

I want to thank everyone so very much for all the continued support through emails, comments and such and hope you will still be right here cheering me on as I continue down the path of my journey, now just taking another route, trying to find my way.

Until next time…

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Thank You

I'm sitting here this morning sipping on my sugar free instant breakfast with gingerbread flavoring feeling a bit better.

Last night I revisited my personal journal of reasons for and against surgery I made back in March when I decided to explore this route.

I spoke with my friend here that just had the surgery a few months ago.

I spoke from the heart with my husband Kevin.

I listened to Jules, McButter and Karen. Thank you for being "here" for me!

There is only 7 days, including today, remaining before the surgery date.

I am down 15 pounds as of this morning.

With that said, this morning my head seems clearer than yesterday. My emotions not so nutty. My outlook positive. I am moving forward with the surgery.

I know this is a tool I absolutely need coupled with the face to face and virtual support that comes with it. I Know my hormones are not helping my emotional upheaval right now. I also know I need to not watch cooking shows!

Yep I love cooking, cooking shows. BUT not such a good idea right now. I mean there are enough food commercials on TV as it is. AND even though I have made a conscientious decision to not celebrate the holidays we are bombarded with foods and food shows and all the talk is food!

Thank you again for all your kind thoughts and support. I just cannot tell you how much it means to me and how much it really helps.

So this time next week I will be at Eastern Maine prepping for surgery.

Jules also had asked if my husband would update my blog as I am in the hospital. The answer is yes. He will that night to let all that care to know how things went. I will then blog from the hospital as time permits via my iPod.

Until next Time…


Wednesday, December 7, 2011


Oh wow. Did not see this coming!!! Ok I keep trying to push these feelings out of my head.

To ignore them.

I keep telling myself to not listen.

It's too overwhelming!!!

I don't want to go through with this.

I don't. :( the thought of telling Kevin just… I don't know.

I have disappointed him so many times with this weight loss game. He has been so supportive through this entire process. Even following this strict pre-op diet. The first time I've seen him be optimistic about me finally getting to a healthy weight in a long time.





My head is spinning. Tears won't stop. I feel like I am completely going crazy!!!!

I feel like I will disappoint everyone. Especially the most important people in my life.


Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Nutritional Yeast

I have had a few people email me and ask why I use nutritional yeast in some of my cooking. The short of it is it boosts the nutritional value of my foods and it tastes good.

So then…what is it?

First let me tell you what it is not. Nutritional yeast is NOT the same as brewer’s yeast…used in helping beer. It is NOT baking yeast…used in bread making. It is also NOT Torula yeast…a by-product of paper production.

So then…again…what is it?

It is a great source of proteins and B-complex vitamins. It has a nutty cheesy flavor but sugar-free, low fat, gluten-free, sodium free and dairy free. It is a complete protein so a great option for me to help boost my protein intake without a lot of what I do not want.

The Nutritional breakdown on this wonderful item is as follows:

  • Amount Per Serving (2T)
  • Calories: 60
  • Total Fat: 0g 
  • Total Carbs: 5g
  • Dietary Fiber: 4g
  • Protein: 9g

A fabulous boost for sure. I have used it as a topping…think popcorn, mashed potatoes, eggs. I have added it to recipes…think Vegan Taco Soup, Black Bean Soup. I have added it to various food items items…think spaghetti sauce, meatloaf. For me it is as good in or on a lot of things.

So where might you find it?

I have not found it at your typical grocery store but I have found it online as well as my local health foods store in the bulk bin section.

After I have my surgery, protein will be the most important thing I make sure to have, so adding a tablespoon or 2 to things will certainly help me with this goal.

Have you used Nutritional yeast? What are your thoughts?


Thursday, November 24, 2011

The Day After

Ah the beauty after a winter snow!

Yesterday was a mess…cold…dreary…cold…did I mention cold!?

Today the sun is out…still cold…a canvas of white fluff covers everything! The kids are happily playing in the snow…the house is warm. Just the way I like it.

Now I have a confession…

I messed up last night on day 1 of my protein liquid! ERRRR!! Had a very stressful….meltdown conversation with our oldest son. Was VERY stressful. Me, I am a stress eater and someone left a bag of chips in front of me! The next think I know I am eating them!!! At 10:30 at night none the less! Oh I was mad at myself.

Today I vowed I would do better and I have so far until I opened the fridge to see fudge! It called my name! Oh and I did not answer it…at first. I told my family they had to eat it or I was tossing it under water.

I am moving on. I cannot allow this to defeat me, I HAVE to remain steady to this regimen…for my own safety during surgery! Can I just please live in a bubble for the next 3 weeks!? After surgery should not be as hard as I will not feel hungry…from what I have been told.

My head is killing me. Feels just like when I gave up caffeine! I really need to distract myself…a lot…the next 21 days.

I can do this.

I CAN do this.

I CAN DO this.



Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Time Has Come

Today I officially am starting my pre-op…phase 2…diet. It is going to be VERY hard. Nothing beneficial is easy though, right? I also need to keep in mind that it is really a short time in the big scheme of things AND it is for my safety, better recovery and overall well being.

Here is a before…


I am the one on the right! YUCK!

Oh how I hate seeing it! To think I had been 62 pounds lighter, then up up up went the weight AGAIN! I know this surgery is only a tool, but I also know it is one that I need. I am not getting any younger, I am not getting any healthier and I want to be here for as long as I can. I want to run after my kids, to play and play hard with them. With this I know I will.

My journey to health continues with a new chapter…today.

I look forward to adding new entries, knowing full and well not all entries are going to be good…happy…perfect. I will however be moving forward to a person gaining health and vitality.

I have my “Bariatric Bible” to keep me company and it is chocked full of reminders for me from now and forever more.

The next “official” photo I share will will be 1 month post-op. That will be January 15th and then once a month there after. I get excited…scared…nervous…happy all at once thinking about that.

I also want to thank you for your support and all the kind comments and emails. The support from you has been so appreciated and heart warming. I remember debating about sharing this with the world or just closing my blog down back in June. I am glad I opted to share. Thank you!


Saturday, November 19, 2011

Happy Chicken

We took the kids to see Happy Feet Two tonight and all I can say is I am happy the kids enjoyed it. Don’t get me wrong it was OK, I was just disappointed at the very evident lack of any story line. I was not too impressed with the whole 3-D aspect of it either. I am thinking I will just see good ol’ 2-D movies from this point forward. For that matter I will probably just wait for them to come out to DVD because even at matinee prices it was over $35.00 just for tickets.

The days are ticking away until surgery…26 and counting…I’m getting nervous. While we were in Rockland I stopped at Wally World and bought a pair of PJ’s as I do not have any. I typically just were sweats. With my surgery being laparoscopic I do not want anything on my belly…such as sweat pants…so Kev told me to buy a new one…will be my only one. Yes funds are tight…thus feeling a bit guilty spending the money on tickets…with STILL waiting on a decision with Kev’s short term disability claim from back in July! They have extended the decision to sometime late this month now.

Here is another recipe for you to try. I really loved this one and hope you do as well…

Thai Chicken & Veggies

  • 2 LB boneless, skinless chicken breast
  • 1 onion, cut in rings
  • 8 carrots, peeled and quartered
  • 1 LB fingerling potatoes

For Sauce:

  • 1/2c soy sauce
  • 1T minced garlic
  • 1/2c salsa
  • 1/2c natural PB
  • 1/4c white vinegar
  • 1/4c water
  • 1/4c brown sugar
  1. Layer veggies in bottom of crock pot.
  2. Add chicken.
  3. Make sauce by adding to a bowl and whisking well.
  4. Pour over chicken and veggies.
  5. Cook for 8 hours on low.

Servings Per Recipe: 8

  • Amount Per Serving
  • Calories: 402
  • Total Fat: 11.2g 
  • Total Carbs: 41g
  • Dietary Fiber: 4.7g
  • Sugar: 14.6g
  • Protein: 36.3g

A very hearty meal and definitely warms you up in the cooler months. Not necessarily a surgical weight loss friendly meal…but definitely a family friendly one.

Until next time….


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

For Val

My dear friend Val has been under the weather for over a week now and she tells me she reads my blog when she is bored…but I have not written anything since the 10th! (I just called to see how she was) So this post is dedicated to my wonderful friend Val.

Not much to report other than I will be officially starting my liquid protein diet…um today! Yep I need to lose as much as possible this we are at the countdown…this time next month I will have had my surgery! I am scheduled to go in at 10:15 and is supposed to be a 2 hour surgery.

How about a recipe?

Yeah, I knew you’d be interested! I thought I had a picture of this, but apparently not, though it was sooooo good!

PB Chicken

  • 2 LB boneless, skinless chicken breast, chunked
  • 1 medium onion, diced
  • 1 large red pepper, diced

For Sauce:

  • 1c chicken broth
  • 2/3c natural PB
  • 1/4c soy sauce
  • 1T cumin
  • 1 lime, juiced
  1. Place chicken and veggies in crockpot.
  2. Make your sauce by adding all ingredients to a bowl and whisk until incorporated thoroughly.
  3. Pour over chicken and give a good stir.
  4. Cook on low for 7-8 hours or on high for 4-5 hours.
  • Servings Per Recipe: 8 
  • Amount Per Serving
  • Calories: 301.4
  • Total Fat: 16g 
  • Total Carbs: 7g
  • Dietary Fiber: 2
  • Sugar: 3g
  • Protein: 35g

This would not necessarily be a weight loss surgery friendly meal…BUT it is a family friendly one. My kids really loved it and it is simple enough they can actually throw this together when Mom…that’s me…wants nothing to do with the kitchen.

What do you think? Do you enjoy easy throw together meals, simple enough the kids can cook?


Monday, November 14, 2011

Friday is here

Yay it’s finally Friday. This has been a long week for me. I am hopeful with the weekend approaching things will be better.

My youngest has been experiencing dizziness since school started and up until last week we thought it was the bus ride. I’ve been a homeschooling Mom up until this year when we put our youngest 2 in public school. So even though he’s in second grade, there are a lot of new things for him. The bus was a big one.

So as soon as he told me this also happened at school…I drive him in the morning…and he had to go to the nurse, I was on the phone to his doc. Apparently what he’s experiencing is vertigo so we have a neurology appointment next week and an audiologist appointment at the end of the month to try and get some answers. His primary doc was baffled but had an idea or 2 that would need confirmation from a peds specialist…thus the 2 appointments. This is concerning me a lot and cannot wait to see the neurologist in particular hoping he can clue us in on what might be going on.

I also…changing gears here a moment…found out that my secondary insurance quickly approved me for my surgery BUT my primary is not being so cooperative and the way my policies are if my primary will not approve, my secondary will not pay even with an approved letter. Sooo I am now again waiting on Aetna…I am not pleased at all with this insurance company. We are also still waiting on a determination of my hubs short term disability claim from them…yes STILL…since he went back to work in JULY!!

When I talked to my hubs about it he said not to worry there are many at his job who have had the surgery and they have the same insurance as his, however I also know it is only recently they have been really running through the gammit with those submitting short term disability claims as well. Sooo we are in a waiting pattern again!

Oh by the way… hi Val!

I will not allow all this to get in my head and lead me back down a binge eating episode though…I will NOT allow it!

I am needing to really watch myself with all this though because I am really emotionally struggling between the waiting game with my insurance, my youngests vertigo issue and the woes of being a parent to a 17 year old who is exerting his independence and making not so great decisions.

My coping mechanism is usually heading for food…comfort food…sweets….crunchy…everything in between. This is VERY HARD! I’m working on changing this to my knitting…which I have and am doing daily. I have several hats and a couple sets done and will be posting pics of them soon.

How do you deal with stress? Are you an eater? An exerciser? What, what is your coping mechanism?


Thursday, November 10, 2011

Long Day

Today has been a LONG day.

We had to travel 3 hours…one way… to a neurologist for my youngest because of his vertigo. It’s a theory that what he is experiencing is a type of migraine. There is not any pain associated with it, just what he has been having. Vertigo…nauseated…pale.

The good and bad of this…he should outgrow it…but possibly go into full fledged migraines. Sooo we are in a  wait and see pattern. Dr. Morrison wants us to journal his “episodes” for the next 8 weeks and then he will see us again. We also will be seeing an ENT at the end of this month to help see anything else in that area. We know no more really than this morning before we left. Other than the evaluations and things get added or crossed off the list of possibilities.

I am better personally than my Freaking out yesterday. I actually have a calm  over me and am currently taking the emotions as they come. I have told my family, well I did that before I told anyone else, I have started to make preparations for when I am in the hospital and during the weeks after of recuperation. I am making lists of things I need for before…during…after…surgery and the hospital stay.

With that thought…those of you who have had bariatric surgery what was on your list of things to do…to take…and to have when you got home? What do you wish you would have had on each of those lists? Let me know please, it would be a great help.

I told you I have been experimenting in the kitchen and here is one I did…

Protein Jello

  • 1Pkg. Sugar Free Jello of your choice
  • 1 scoop vanilla protrin powder
  • 2C water

Prepare Jell-O according to directions. When you get to the step of adding a cup of cold water, simply add in your protein powder to the cold water and then as soon as the hot Jell-O mixture has cooled, add, stir and allow to set.

  • Servings Per Recipe: 2
  • Amount Per Serving
  • Calories: 85
  • Total Fat: 1.25 g 
  • Total Carbs: 3.5 g
  • Dietary Fiber: 0 g
  • Protein: 13.5 g

I actually got fancy and molded it using 2 boxes, but you don’t have to…unless of course you wanna get all fancy!!

I want to try pudding with a very similar method but I think the carbs may be too high, I need to check on it. Might be too much for Phase 2 I will be on for 4-6 weeks, but after that I think it will be ok as an occasional treat. I will be sure to get back to you on that.

I have been a knitting fool and a number of hats and hat/scarf sets ready so be looking for my contest to name a store for me. I am pretty excited about it!

Until next time….


Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Freaking out

Hello all!

I have been experimenting in my kitchen a lot lately and I do have a number of recipes I will be sharing with you. Some have been for an ease of feeding the family while I am recuperating from surgery as well as ideas to make life a bit more manageable during my Phase 2 time prior and after surgery…a total of 4-5 weeks.

With that I have been emailing the SWLP coordinator this morning with some of my ideas. So when the phone rang with a Bangor number I just figured it was Lynn calling me about some of my ideas…even though she was responding to me via email.

It was not Lynn!!! It was Candy!!!! She is Dr. Toder’s scheduling nurse!


I have a date!!!!!!!!

My insurance finally came though and she called!! I was not thinking I would get a call, all of my appointments have been via mail. None have been via the phone!

I am now officially FREAKING out! AND I have a part tonight on the ministry school…one that I’m not supposed to use any notes with and though my end is pretty easy, I am FREAKING out….ok…deep breaths!

So I had intended on vlogging this, but I just cannot. I am way to nerved up so I am going to just tell you the “old fashioned” way…

My date for surgery is December 15th!!!!!!! Just a little over a month away! OMG!! December 1st I will officially begin phase 2 for surgery! Holy Cow!

OK I am going to let this all set in now…


Saturday, November 5, 2011


Ah the weekend is here, though I have already messed it up. I had plans for my ministry and woke too late…in fact everyone woke too late, even my 7 year old who is typically up at 5 waking everyone else up!

Still no word from Aetna on an approval for my bariatric surgery. I was really hoping to get something in the mail yesterday, but nothing.

I saw Dr. Toder on the 14th of October and the insurance was submitted the following week, I believe on the 17th so we are half way through the time frame they have to get back to my Dr.

My weight is up and down the same 2 pounds which is very frustrating! This scares me too because what if this same thing happens even after I have my guts re-routed?! I know hormones are effected with the surgery, could that make a difference?

The sun is out, the air is COLD! It feels like winter is here, though it is only fall. In the fall, yearly, we get our family portraits done. So we are headed south this morning to look for a nice place to have for a backdrop. Probably the water since most of our fall colors are gone in part do to blythe and in part to the freak October snow storm we had.

Do you have anything annually you do in the fall with your family?


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

In the Mail

After a very upsetting morning I totally threw everything through the window.

No, not literally I just gave up...temporarily.

So what did I do? I went to subway and ordered a footlong BMT added three cookies, then proceeded to Walgreens where I bought 3 bags of half off Halloween candy!!

Ok I ate the entire sub and half the cookies then started into the candy. I managed to eat 5 recees, 3 kit kats, and a twix. then I stopped.

Did I mention my morning was pure stress? I've not felt stress like this in a very long time and it was not good. In the past I'd have finished off that candy and then been so sick. So progress yes but still not Good in light of my surgery that's approaching. No date yet.

Tonight I feel horrible, disappointed, frustrated with myself and really mad.

So when the mail brought an approval letter from my insurance company I felt a twinge of panic. it's imperative for me to get off as much weight as I can prior to surgery for my safety during surgery AND to avoid being opened up for the surgery. Where I'm going they're able to do it laproscopic using a robot BUT only if they can see around inside my abdomen....thus the weight loss to help shrink the fat around the organs, primarily the liver.

The candy is gone. I gave it away.

My mood is still blue. I'll read some encouraging scriptures.

My heart is torn. It will eventually mend.

I'm now freaking out. It too will pass.


Sunday, October 30, 2011

Fish in the Pan

We had our first taste of winter today…even though winter is not officially here. The snow is beautiful in its own way though and I can take it as long as I can stay warm. And warm I did stay…indoors…knitting, baking and spending time with my family.

I have really been feeling anxious these past few days and the thought of not wanting to have the surgery keeps flooding my mind. I know…for me…it is probably the best decision. I know even if I lose 50 pounds prior to surgery I still need to go through with it to help me get to a healthy weight, it is just this waiting game here, plying mind trips with me.

For those who have had surgery, did you go through this too?

It’s really driving me a bit nutzo.

ok, so onto other matters. I grew up in the south and fried catfish was one of my faves. Now I have not had it in YEARS! A few weeks ago though at my local Walgreens, yes Walgreens, I found bags of them for $1.49!! 4 fillets to a bag, plain, for just $1.49!! Tonight I made them…only not fried but rather oven “fried” so they were a bit healthier, but the taste was not hindered in anyway at all.

Wanna know how I made them? Of course you do!

I poured about 1/2c skim milk into a shallow bowl.

Then in another bowl I poured in:

  •  1 c. Corn Meal
  • 1T Paprika
  • 2t. Onion Powder
  • 2t. Garlic Powder
  • 1/2t Chipotle Powder
  • 1/2t. Sea Salt .

I preheated my oven to 425 and lined a Baking Sheet with aluminum foil that I sprayed with cooking spray.

Each fillet was dipped in the milk, dredged in the cornmeal and placed on the baking sheet then sprayed with cooking spray.

They are cooked in the oven for about 15-20 minutes.

Then enjoy!!


Sunday, October 23, 2011

Taco Soup


  • 2-15oz cans pinto beans, drained/rinsed
  • 15oz can black beans, drained/rinsed
  • 15oz can fire roasted tomatoes
  • 3/4c shredded carrots
  • 1 medium onion, chopped
  • 2c mushrooms, chopped
  • 4c veggie broth
  • 4c water
  • 1T chili powder
  • 1T cumin
  • 1t smoked paprika
  • 1 1/2c dry pasta
  • 4c fresh spinach
  • 1c nutritional yeast

Add first 13 ingredients to 6qt crock pot. Cook on low for 9 hours.

Add spinach and yeast to crockpot at end and mix well.
Garnish with chips and vegan cheese if desired. (not in NI)  

Makes 16/1c servings

  • Amount Per Serving
  • Calories: 112
  • Total Fat: .8g
  • Total Carbs: 22g
  • Dietary Fiber: 6g
  • Sugar: 2g 
  • Protein: 7g


Friday, October 14, 2011

Surgeon Visit

Hi everyone. Today was my first visit with my surgeon, Dr. Toder and it went...

Well you'll have to watch my video to see!!

Have a great day!


Thursday, October 13, 2011

Vegan Stuffed Peppers


  • 6 bell peppers, large
  • 1c tomato sauce
  • 1-15oz can black beans, drained & rinsed
  • 1c corn
  • 1 small onion, diced
  • 2c cooked brown rice
  • 3/4c shredded carrots
  • 1c diced mushrooms
  • 1t cumin
  • 1/2t smoked paprika
  • 1t ground coriander
  • 1c nutritional yeast

1.Cut tops off each pepper reserving the tops. Remove the seeds and membranes from each pepper.

2.In a large bowl combine remaining ingredients plus the usable parts of the pepper tops diced. mix well.

3.Fill each Pepper with stuffing mixture.

4.Pour about 1/2c water into crock pot. Arrange peppers in crock pot.

5.Cook on high for 8 hours on low or 4 hours on high.
Serve with cornbread and coleslaw if desired. ( not in NI).

6 Servings… 1 Pepper each

    • Amount Per Serving
    • Calories: 247.2
    • Total Fat: 1.8g 
    • Total Carbs: 49g
    • Dietary Fiber: 13g
    • Sugar: 8g 
    • Protein: 13.2g

    This was a first try making stuffed peppers and I really liked them quite a bit. I will probably tweak the spices a bit more and will update when I do.

    If you try this, please come back and let me know what you thought and should you tweak it, let me know what you do as well.

    Until next time...


  • Monday, October 10, 2011

    Pretty Random

    It was an awesome weekend and continues today as the kids are off school and Hubs is off to work.

    Things here are still pretty tight money wise as we are STILL fighting Hubs short term disability claim from back in May and June!! Ugh insurance companies, how they twist things so to find any reason not to pay!

    Anyway I'm frugal by nature, hate paying full price for anything if I can help it. I just read "Personal Money Saving Strategies" from my good friend Sonja and loved it. She has some great strategies for saving money.

    Some other things I do is I try to shop at Sav-A-Lot at least once a month and stock up on can goods and the occasional brand name items they have great deals on coupled with coupons I have.

    I've also learned to shop and meal plan according to what's on sale that week. I only buy my spices in bulk at my local Coop store. I buy clothes, shoes, household items out of season(think 50% or better off).

    My trip to the mall this past Friday reminded me of that. When we lived in SC we had regular trips to the mall to do just that. My kids always had good clothes and shoes that I only paid from under a $1 to no more than $3!! Since living in rural Maine we do not get to the mall hardly at all. I'm going to try and change that, buying out of season for them and then supplement what else we need from GW Boutique (AKA Good Will).

    This Friday I am finally meeting with Dr. Toder, my surgeon, and I'm really apprehensive about it. I've also just realized I'm going to be going alone as it's an early appointment and my youngest will not be on his way to school. So even though Hubs scheduled himself off from work he will need to be here so Robbie will not be alone and get on the bus. UGH! Time to rethink. I will be sure to record it with my iPod so I can review what she says as well as to allow Kevin to hear it as well.

    I'm feeling excited, scared, nervous, anxious!! Seriously overwhelmed. I'm seeing a friend of mine melt away. She had surgery back in August, the 29th I believe and has lost 57 pounds already!! She lost 20 I think prior to surgery, but still 37 pounds in 6 weeks!! Holy cow!!

    How was your weekend? Do anything exciting?


    Saturday, October 8, 2011

    Friday Night & the Kidlets

    I decided I was going to the surgical weight loss support group, despite having the kids. I had emailed Lynn and asked if it would be ok, she just suggested Robbie might not be there only because topics are not censored and that makes total sense to me. So Austin joined me as my support person and Kaitlynn waited in the lobby with Robbie.  They were great and I really appreciated it.

    Before the meeting though I decided to take the kids shopping for Sears. I really liked the customer service there and the prices were surprisingly very good. Let's put it this way. I spent no more than I would have at Wal-mart and got way better quality for my money.

    Robbie was very pleased with his choice. Cars light up sneakers . He liked them so much he actually put them on in the shoe department as soon as I paid for them.

    Kaitlynn was not finding anything. She was disappointed. I was too, I really wanted the kids to get some good sneakers. They were in great need of them.

    Then at the last minute as Robbie was putting his shoes on she found some! Yes! They were perfect for her and at an awesome price too.


    Austin had initially went with us to get some running shoes, he has however put running aside for a bit and decided he wanted to get some clothes more his he did.

    I liked what he got. The best part is HE feels good about it. Self confidence and spunk in your step is such a good thing.

    I really enjoyed the whole day with my kids. It was great to feel I was in the moment with them.  It has been such s long time since I have felt this way. To let the stresses go.

    Even though money was spent that really should not have been, the kids needed sneakers and Austin paid for his own, it helped relieve some stress at the same time. We walked around the mall, kids goofing trying on hats and such, laughing and enjoying each other as well.

    Laughter is such a healing tool and after the long hard summer with depression we really needed that.

    I look forward to more days like today. Makes all the stresses melt away and really brings home what is portent in life. People...not things.


    Thursday, October 6, 2011

    Six Pounds

    After such an early start to my day I am really tired. BUT I had a great appointment with my dietician.

    I lost another 6 pounds this past month, crazy since my scale did not show it but that could mean it's time to change the batteries.

    Nonetheless I was thrilled with that. Lacey was really happy too especially after she found out I was hitting the gym hard, building muscle. I had measured myself a little less than a month ago and then this morning before I left. I have also lost 7 1/2 inches from my neck, chest, waist, arm, hips and thigh.

    That is progress and I am so happy to see it. Now to see if it is enough in Dr. Toder's "book". That we shall see next Friday.

    With regards to my pumpkin soup...

    I need to tweak it a bit more. The flavor was good, but I was not happy with the texture of it. It was too "soupy". I like it a bit thicker than soup consistency so we shall see.

    Back to my appointment today. I was supposed to hive up straws... I did. I was supposed to increase my exercise... I did. I was supposed to meal plan and make better choices... I did.

    I'm still taking my vitamins in the morning and my calcium with lunch and dinner, eating slow...taking 30 minutes to eat a meal, no liquids with meals, no carbonated beverages, no alcohol and listening to my internal hunger cues.

    Moving forward for sure. I also found out I can have no sugar added fudgesickles!!! Oh this was so awesome nugget of news. Something to have as a treat now and again. Woo hoo.

    So that is that.

    One last going I made an Asian peanut butter chicken last night that the family absolutely raved about. I, however, did not have any as the caloric content was a bit much for me. I will however share it for this without a need to watch their calorie intake. It had healthy ingredients do was pleased to serve it to my family and will happily serve it again.

    Be looking for it coming soon.

    Until next time...


    Can You Smell It?

    Good morning.

    Boy it cooled off here quite a bit yesterday and this morning I actually had to put the heat on. It was FREEZING in here.

    Oh and did I mention I woke at 3?

    Yes that is 3AM!

    I have not woken this early in a long time. Not crazy about it either because then I am dragging badly in the afternoon. As a matter of fact I've not had an early morning like this since stopping caffeine, so not entirely sure how this day will go. Having to drive an hour away for my dietician appointment, going alone concerns me a wee bit. My oldest does not go into work until 5 and I asked last night if he wanted to go with me. To my surprise he said he wanted to stay home and finish his schoolwork.

    Surprised AND happy to hear it, do not want to try to change his mind either so we shall see as the morning progresses.

    It is nice though in one aspect of being up this early and that is I can actually be alone with my thoughts. It's been a long time since I've been able to enjoy a cup of coffee in quiet and just listen to my surroundings and think.

    I've also already got dinner on. I love fall.

    Did you know that?

    Mmm all the smells.

    Speaking of smells and back to dinner. I'm making pumpkin soup. Oh how I truly love pumpkin!

    Pumpkin muffins, pumpkin cake, pumpkin pie, pumpkin seeds, pumpkin soup!!

    I'll share the recipe after I've tested it to be sure it tastes good. It already smells amazing though.

    Being it is still early I'm off to plan my day and what else I'll do while in Bangor. Need to make the trip count you know. Gas is not cheap!!

    Hope your day is a great and prosperous One!!


    Wednesday, October 5, 2011

    Black Bean & Chicken Soup

    Today has been good despite a hovering headache I have. I am currently sitting at the chiropractors office hoping an adjustment will do me good.

    I really have some great recipes I have been working on. The family has been enjoying them as well. I have as well because fall is here, you can finally feel it in the air and all of a sudden I feel so alive. I love cooking in the fall and all the smells of fall.

    Are you with me?

    Fall definitely is my favorite season and now that it's here, I'm at the gym full force, my eating is in check, I feel like I'm on top of the world!!

    I love this feeling.

    So want a recipe to give a try?

    How about...

    Black Bean and Chicken Soup

    • 1 lb boneless, skinless chicken breast
    • 2 cans(15 oz) black beans drained and rinsed
    • 1 c corn
    • 16 oz salsa
    • 1c Sliced mushrooms
    • 4c chicken bouillon
    • 1 1/2T Cumin
    • 2t paprika
    • 2T chili powder
    • 1/2c fat free sour cream

    Place all ingredients in crockpot except the sour cream and mix well.

    Cook on low 8 hours, or on high 4 hours. Use an immersion blender to thicken soup and then add sour cream.

    Serve with some chips, cheese, guacamole and sour cream on top if desired. ( not in NI)

    Nutritional Info

    • Servings Per Recipe: 12
    • Amount Per Serving
    • Calories: 122
    • Total Fat: 1.21 g
    • Total Carbs: 16.03 g
    • Dietary Fiber: 2.89 g
    • Sugar: 4.23 g 
    • Protein: 14.6 g

    If you try this please be sure to pop on back by and let me know what you thought ok? Thanks.

    Tomorrow I meet with Lacey, my dietician. I'm afraid I'm not going to show any loss on the scale so I will be sure to bring my measurements too. I'm do to measure anyway do it's good timing.

    Had a fantastic workout this morning with my son. He spiked a headache unfortunately so he was following me around as I was finishing. I selfishly love it when he does because he will push me harder than I do myself. It's hard to push and motivate yourself, at least I feel it's hard for me to push myself. I really wish I could afford a personal trainer. But that's unfortunately definitely not in the budget. So I will continue working on pushing myself harder and harder.

    Have a simply amazing day!

    Thursday, September 22, 2011


    Tuesday was a mess. I was supposed to go to a SWLP support meeting but instead I spent it in the hospital with my husband checking in on his Mom. It is where I should have been and I was ok with that, so this is not the rant, just a disappointment but I have many more meetings I can and will attend. My husbands Mom was more important. She is home now on a new diet and told to exercise 2 hours a week. So all is tame there.

     WARNING the rant is coming.

    I am so irritated. I am back in the gym…and oh so happy to be there.

    BUT I need new sneakers!

    I have actually worn through the ones I have and they are starting t hurt my feet. Ok so just get some new ones right?! ERR We are still waiting on a determination of 8 weeks of pay from when my hubs was out of work with depression! Yes he has been back at work for 2 months and we are STILL waiting for the answer and it is beginning to lean towards a denial!

    They changed one of his meds to generic, would not pay for the brand name….this is the actual reason he dived mentally and now they are telling us he should have been back at work in May not July, even though it was not until late June we finally got the approval to switch him back and then it was about 2 weeks later he finally felt level. UUUUGGGHHH. Anyone out there with any suggestions? We blew though our savings and are a 2 months behind on everything and just cannot seem to get ahead.

    So on top of me needing sneakers, my kids need sneakers…very soon anyway as well as snow boots…yes the snow is just around the corner and winter stuff also will be needed. It just keeps coming and I am soooo very frustrated.

    Ok rant is over, if you made it that far thanks for reading and seriously if you have any ideas regarding insurance company's and how to get disability approved I am open for ideas!

    Hope your day is a great one…


    Tuesday, September 13, 2011


    It is sort of a blah day around here, well actually it is just my mental disposition and I’m trying to get out of it. I feel blah. I keep having dreams about the surgery. So even though I am not consciously thinking about it, I AM thinking about it. This is going to be a LONG several months I think.

    They are good dreams, like the weight is finally coming off and I am finally having lots of energy. I soo want that.

    Anyway I just found out a blogger friend of mine is also heading down this route on his weight loss journey! I am really excited for him. His name is Sam and he blogs HERE. Hop on over and show him some comment love! We all need support in our lives…for one thing or another and I appreciate all the support I get here on my blog as well as in real life and always try to pass that support on in anyway I can.


    Wednesday, September 7, 2011

    Two Appointments

    Yesterday and today have been packed with appointments, well really only 2 but sure did feel like it.

    Yesterday I had a one on one with a dietician…very nice and I was a bit nervous going in as I have self confidence issue when we have to talk diet and exercise.

    It went awesome! I loved my nutritionist…Lacey Bell    ( don’t you just love her name too!!??)… super nice and very helpful. We went over some things and then I had to take a test…not a pass fail but to see where I am with understanding what is ahead of me. She told me I have a great knowledge of what to do and what is to come. She wants me to increase my walking time and no more using straws and no more fast food. In fact she said to act as if I have already had bypass surgery and do not eat anything that I will not be able to after…even though I am leaning more towards the sleeve.

    Today I had a meeting with the Psychologist. Bryan Fritzler. I was REALLY apprehensive about this. However after a 567 question questionnaire on all sorts of behaviors and an 80 something written questionnaire on possible eating disorders I finally met face to face with him…and….I was actually quite calm. He asked me some more questions drilling down to some answers that may have not been so obvious to me, asked about certain things directly related to the surgery, including what I will miss most after the surgery. My answer there was a nice glass of wine once in a while.

    He…Bryan…was really friendly and very easy to talk to. Really happy about that. I have my “homework” for the next month until I meet with Lacey again…

    1. no straws
    2. no sugary/fried foods
    3. increase my exercise
    4. Plan my meals out and prepare to not be caught out with no appropriate food

    I will also be continuing…

    • to eat only 3 meals a day
    • no snacking in between meals
    • eating slowly
    • working on my meal being consumed slowly in 30 minutes, chewing to a liquid consistency
    • no liquids with meals or 30 minutes before/after a meal
    • strength train and cardio for 30-40 minutes a day

    I believe that is it. My next stop is the dietician again for a one on one because my insurance requires it, then I think the surgeon, unless I might be able to meet with the surgeon sooner even though I still have to meet with the dietician again. I will email Lacey that question.

    After having to write a 3 paragraph synopsis of my weight history and what I have tried, I have definitely made my mind up that I am going through with the surgery. This is the right thing for ME. I am leaning definitely towards the sleeve and because I am, I am really going to push to have the surgery this year….my insurance high deductible is met which means no out of pocket expense for the surgery…my main insurance covers the sleeve. If I end up having to wait I may have no choice but to opt for the bypass because my secondary insurance will not cover the sleeve and I am not sure how that will work. Will have to wait and see, but none the less I am pushing to have this done and am going to work hard in all areas to make it happen.


    Wednesday, August 24, 2011


    Last night as I was getting ready for bed I had this epiphany! I know I have heard it before…others have said it to me and others before…but for some reason last night it hit me like a whack upside my head!

    5 pounds of sugar

    That bag of sugar up there represents 5 pounds. Five pounds sounds so much better than 200!

    Five pounds sounds more manageable. So here comes in the epiphany…

    I only need to lose 5 pounds…40 times!

    OK I know… I know I have heard it so many times before…break down your larger goals.

    But for whatever reason it just did not sit in with me. It did not make an impression. THIS as I said hit me…hit me hard!

    I can do this! I now have a small goal…5 pounds to lose…that is all. Then I repeat it again.


    Thursday, August 18, 2011


    This morning I woke up STARVING!! But I did really good with my food choices yesterday…that is success in my book.

    Here we go…

    Breakfast was a protein shake made with mixed berries and Premier Protein.

    I wanted a grilled cheese sammie for lunch, so I had one paired with nice side salad with poppyseed dressing.

    A shrimp stir-fry was dinner over brown rice with a bit of hoisin sauce on top.

    I know I was a bit low on my fluids, need to work on that today but am soooo happy with my food choices.


    Wednesday, August 17, 2011

    Meat Balls

    Pretty descent day overall. Only had 3 meals, took my time eating them, took my vitamins, no drinks with my meals. I could have had more water through the day, but was distracted a bit.

    Dinner was super yummy! I tried my hand at making meatballs…never have done that before and I am happy to report they got rave reviews here at the home front.

    Oh and shhh they were healthy too! Don’t tell my kids ok?


    • 16 oz ground chicken
    • 16oz pkg LightLife gimme Lean Meat
    • 1/2c skim milk
    • 2 eggs, beaten
    • 2t Worcestershire Sauce
    • 1c Old Fashioned Oats (not quick cook)
    • 1/2c freshly diced onion
    • 1/4t Sea Salt
    • 1/4t Pepper

    First preheat oven to 400 degrees and spray a cooking sheet with cooking spray .

    Soak the Old Fashioned Oats, eggs, milk, Worcestershire Sauce, Sea Salt and Pepper for about 30 minutes, then added the chicken and gimme lean meat. Mix well until thoroughly blended.

    Make into 1-inch balls and place on sprayed cookie sheet.

    Bake about 25 minutes until a golden color. Remove from oven and enjoy!

    I hope you like these as much as we did!! Let me know if you try them ok?


    Tuesday, August 16, 2011


    It is hard! What is hard you may think. Learning to chew slowly…making a meal stretch out for 30 minutes! Wow…I have been trying and do ok when there is no distractions. I have 3 kids…life here is all about distractions.

    I just need to keep trying. Another thing that is hard is not drinking 1/2 hour before or after a meal and nothing with the meal. That is a bit easier, but not much.

    Taking my vitamins is going pretty good, though I am not yet back in the gym. I need to be and am pretty certain once the kids start school a schedule will be easier to get going with.

    The countdown is on for that, school. 13 days and counting. The kids are enrolled and are starting to get excited about it. I actually am as well. The thought of a few hours a day all to me, to get caught up on things I am sooo behind in and to have me time. It has been a really long time.


    Sunday, August 14, 2011


    AHHH Anxiety over this whole surgery business is entering my dreams now. Man I woke up yesterday morning not sure if I what I dreamt was real or not. Ever have those types of dreams? Ones where it takes you a bit to realize if indeed it was a dream or if it really happened?That is what it was…a dream. Though I have a friend who is actually beginning the 2 week fast tomorrow and has a surgery date of the 29th! We had no idea we were both going through this program. I am glad to know someone else doing this in a weird sort of way.I was holding off telling anyone really here in real life about going through this program until I had the opportunity to talk to my daughter and see how she took it. Thankfully she took it well and fully supports me with it, so I am very open and chatty about it in real life too, not just here on my blog. No one I know…that I know of…in real life reads my blog, but am thinking that may change as I open up more and more about it here and share the fact I am documenting it as I go.

    My next appointment is with the dietician and that is on the 6th of September and between now and then I am writing down questions as to things to eat during the 2 week fast prior and 2 weeks post op of liquids I can have. I have read slim fast, but not a fan of them…at all, so I have a few things I am bringing with me to see about.

    I feel a big sigh of relief being able to freely talk about it now, that was really hard I have to say, but not as hard as my journey is taking me.

    I am doing good on some of my challenges, not so good on others, need to work a lot harder this week…today…right now.


    Wednesday, August 10, 2011

    Gotta Roll With It

    Oh yes this thing is kickin’ my rear. Hubs has antibiotics, I have called and am waiting to see if I can get them called in for me and my 2 youngest see the doc this afternoon. What a time of year for 2 really bad viruses running amuck. Although between this one I rather deal with it because the other is with fluid leakage if you know what I mean.

    I am sipping on water throughout the day along with sugar free popsicles and sugar free Jell-O.

    When I get to feeling better I will be posting more, right now it hurts the head, so until then…have a great day!


    Tuesday, August 9, 2011

    Not The Time Of Year For This

    UUGGHHH I am getting sick!!!!!

    Hubs has been progressively getting sick since Thursday and yesterday our youngest and myself started to show signs of it!


    It is too nice outside to feel and be sick. But I do.

    When I am sick it is so hard to eat right because I just do not feel like cooking or doing anything. This is going to be a test…me sick…not feeling well at all. It is 10:30AM and I have not eaten or done anything at all.

    I need to eat, so I am off to make a healthy brunch, just not sure what it will be yet.

    Have a great day all.


    Monday, August 8, 2011

    Lifestyle Changes

    What did I learn last Wednesday?

    A lot! I touched a bit on it yesterday. I have learned a few things that I am putting into play now. It is not really new to me, though it for some reason clicked a bit more with me.

    What am I doing NOW to promote my weight loss NOW? What I learned or reheard and it finally sunk in Wednesday. I am eating slow…very slow. Spreading my meal out to last as close to 30 minutes as I can. Do you know how HARD that is??!!

    Very hard, but I am working at it and keeping a journal of times, amounts of food and so on.

    I also am using smaller plates a 6 inch for breakfast and lunch and 8 inch for dinner. Not drinking with my meals or 1/2 hour before or after eating, taking vitamins.

    I am not hungry much in between meals, I am not snacking, but I do use this time to continually sip at my water and this is really helping keeping the hungry beast at bay.

    What did I learn at my Physical Therapist appointment?

    That the program I already have in place, though need to get back to, is a good one with one minor adjustment. She is concerned about my joints so because I am hurting after workouts she wants me to cut back on the weight some and instead increase my reps and sets. I am also need to add cardio in daily AND she said to go everyday to strength train just change things up, so that is what I will be doing…very soon.

    What am I challenging myself to between now and my next dietician appointment in September?

    1. Eat slow
    2. No drinks with meal
    3. work on my personal boundaries
    4. Sipping my water throughout the day
    5. Chew my food to liquid consistency
    6. strength train 4 days a week
    7. walk 6 days a week
    8. practice mindful eating
    9. start taking my vitamins
    10. no fast food or eating out in restaurants

    These are the 10 things I am challenging myself to between now and my next appointment on September 6th and so far I am doing OK.


    Sunday, August 7, 2011

    First Things First

    My head is spinning. Oh how I wish someone was able to have gone with me to these appointments Wednesday.

    We talked about Inter and Intrapersonal issues. Some really hit home with me…resonated if you will.

    Under INTRA:

    1. using food as a coping strategy, I know I do this and it is a hard thing to not do, but I have been trying long before beginning this Surgical Weight Loss Program.
    2. negative self image…umm yeah
    3. lack of personal boundaries…boy did this hit home! The question was asked if any of us put others first, even when there are things we need to be doing for ourselves!? Oh yeah that is me and then it was said we NEED to work and practice on making boundaries and NOT always saying yes. So I am working hard on this, very hard.

    There were others but these 3 hit me right between the eyes.

    Under INTER:

    1. The need to learn new social skills… most everything we do here in the states revolves around food. When we are happy we celebrate with food…when we are sad we mourn with food…when we are celebrating, it is with food…you see the picture right?
    2. learn to be assertive and yet kind. This is going hand in hand with number 3 above. Learning how to say no with kindness.
    3. Again related to 3 above, learning to put myself on the priority list because up until now I have not even made that list, so it is a work in progress.

    Again there were others but these just hit me.

    The surgeries were broken down for us again and then we touched on things we will have to do lifelong.

    • Things we cannot have…ever…again.
    • Things we MUST have and do forever.

    We learned about the phases after surgery and when and how they will progress. The vitamin supplements we need to take, now and then after surgery, potential nutrition complications, dumping syndrome, what I should do to prepare, what to bring to my next appointment and how to maintain the weight loss.

    The was just the first 2 hours! Then I had a 1 hour appointment with the physical therapist. I will leave off now and explain in more detail later about the nutrition issues and what I learned that I am doing now to help jump start my weight loss.

    Whew…so much I am learning and digesting!


    Tuesday, August 2, 2011

    A Drop in the Bucket

    Good morning all.

    Wicked storm last night that disrupted my sleep quite a bit, but am feeling pretty good anyway.

    It is a surreal feeling knowing my life is going to be changing drastically here soon with the kids going to school. I found myself mourning my already changed routine a bit when this morning I realized I did not have to work on the school first quarter schedule. Writing out plans, making worksheets and goal sheets, etc.

    So what to do in my already extra time?

    I am writing out a meal plan when I can go food shopping again. We are still fighting Aetna for more than 2 months worth of disability pay for when Hubs was out. That is a good bit and the bills are still piling up, budgets are not yet back to where they need to be and it in itself when I sit and think about it very frustrating!

    I am not sure when I can do this shopping but in the meantime I am also trying to work on a meal plan with what is still left in the house. I am very thankful I stock up on sales because if I did not do that we would have and still would be in really sore straights, though we are getting to the end of the surplus supplies.

    These stresses are really just a drop in a bucket compared to what we had been going through and certainly what others have and are still going through. However they are my stresses and they do affect me. It is all relative, right?

    Some plans I have made regarding meals is couscous and brown rice mixed with veggies and proteins like black beans and chickpeas. Simple yet good and filling.

    Will update you tomorrow after my appointments on how they went, I am really looking forward to them, oh and the meal plans I am currently making may be null and void after meeting with the dietician, we will see.


    Monday, August 1, 2011

    Whoa! August Already???!!!

    Whoa! I cannot believe we are in August already!

    Where is the summer going? Ugh not even been to the lake yet, kids and Hubs have, but not me.

    We made a change to things here at home. It is a major one. We have decided to put our youngest 2 children into public school this year. I have mixed feelings about this.

    This will allow me time to focus on me for a change and take care of me so in turn I can be a better Mom and Wife. I have agonized over this decision but it was one that had to be done for all of us. So August 29th my life as I have known it for 15 years will be totally different.

    I am  a bit numb over this…will update you as the feelings come.

    Another thing is Wednesday I have my first 2 of many appointments in my journey with the Surgical Weight Loss program. I want to be successful with this, I really do and look forward to learning so much more with these appointments.

    Until next time…


    Friday, July 29, 2011

    A New “Do”

    Today I have a hair appointment…. I just cannot stand my hair anymore and I am in great need for a change.

    With a busy day ahead I made a plan in my head surrounding my food.

    Breakfast I made eggs and topped with some fat free cheddar mixed with Olive Oil and homemade taco seasoning. On the side was half and avocado and to drink was water in my nifty Klean Kanteen .

    I thought I had an appointment at 1 that I made yesterday at Makin’ Waves but when I got there somehow the appointment had been made for AUGUST 25th! Ok I know these things happen, but I was pretty disappointed. They did have an opening at 2:30, so home I went to get lunch. I did not eat before I went because I was not hungry, knowing I would get home around 2 and then eat….so though not really hungry I made lunch anyway.

    It was a seafood salad with crab meat, a little Olive Oil Mayo, celery and carrot. I topped this onto the spinach salad I made yesterday. It hot the spot…oh how it did!

    2 successful healthy meals down….yay me!

    Now for dinner!

    More salad to begin with, the last of the spinach salad in fact. I paired this with a mixture of Lentil Taco “Meat” oven baked rice, fat free cheese mixed with Olive Oil and topped with fat free sour cream and a hot thai sweet chili sauce.


    AND a successful healthy dinner!

    There it is…what a successful day eating looks like for me!


    Three healthy balanced meals, no sweets, no soda, no processed foods, no fast food!

    Ahh success feels so good!


    Thursday, July 28, 2011

    I Did It Again!

    It was a gorgeous day here in Maine and I it enjoyed it quite a bit with my kiddos.

    Breakfast was a great start to the day. It was eggs with fat free cheese mixed with olive oil on top and a sliced apple on the side. Oh yes and I tried to make a mocha…did not turn out so great, I guess I will try again sometime.

    Lunch was a spinach salad loaded with garden veggies and topped with a bit of fat free cheddar and fat free ranch. On the side I had 3 chicken sausages, they were chipotle and peach salsa flavored…and they were good!

    Then dinner came and I was craving onion rings!! I never crave onion rings! So we went to DQ! I had a fajita burger with the onion rings on the side and a triple chocoholic blizzard in place of a drink. Very good, but not so good in the calorie department.

    Then to make the day worse calorie wise the family wanted to go to McDonald’s after our theocratic meeting!! I wish I had never tried their rolo McFlurry because I was not planning on getting anything until I saw 2 other people get one of these sinful creations! Then I caved!

    I need to do better. I have breakfast and lunch down but am failing miserably when it comes to dinner. Today I am going to work on planning my meals for today and tomorrow, Planning definitely helps and things have been crazy here for a long time, but regardless a plan needs to be made and followed.


    Wednesday, July 27, 2011

    Lentil Taco “Meat”

    • 1C Lentils, cooked
    • 1 t Chili powder
    • 1t Ground Cumin
    • 1 t Garlic powder
    • 3T Soy Sauce
    • 2t Olive Oil
    • 1/2 c Onions, chopped
    • 1/4c Banana Peppers, Chopped
    • 1T. minced garlic

    Sauté' onion and garlic in olive oil until soft, add peppers, sauté' 2 minutes. Add lentils and stir. Add soy sauce and spices. Simmer until all ingredients are well blended.
    Serve in taco shells or soft tortillas. Add shredded cabbage, tomatoes refried beans, cheese, sour cream to desire.( calories for these items are not added)

    Nutritional Info

    • Servings Per Recipe: 8
    • Amount Per Serving
    • Calories: 62.3
    • Total Fat: 1.3 g
    • Cholesterol: 0.0 mg
    • Sodium: 344.0 mg
    • Total Carbs: 5.8 g
    • Dietary Fiber: 2.5 g 
    • Protein: 6.8 g

    Tuesday, July 26, 2011

    Good, Then Not So Much

    I woke up hurting. I know this is my own fault as I am the heaviest I have been ever!

    I need to do something and now, not later because with so many variables even if I want to have Weight Loss Surgery there is a long process, many Doctors to see and there is a possibility I could be denied. However the fact remains I NEED to lose this weight.

    I am really glad I saved my old Weight Watchers information from when they released the Core*. THAT is when I really did well. I remember the weight just came off 1 pound, 3 pounds at a time, I felt good and I want to be there again.

    I can and have been successful on Core*, but I know me, I am afraid of that hit when I reach 295. For whatever reason my body has not let me get below that for YEARS! I have tried and tried and then when I hit that number, I stall and stall for months and the weight comes back again, adding more to the party. I am tired of that party and want to join another one.

    I want to be the healthiest I can be for surgery, I know this means losing at least 10% of my body weight, for me that is 35 pounds. Can I do it? YES!

    Breakfast came about and I made scrambled eggs with some fat free cheddar and a bit of Olive Oil. A juicy orange on the side and a cup of decaf coffee with Truvia and skim milk. A great start and all Core.

    Lunch was chicken sausages with spinach, fat free mozzarella and Olive Oil with cherries on the side, right along with water. Another great meal.

    Then came dinner. I have not been able to do any real shopping for WEEKS because of still fighting trying to get 8 weeks worth of back pay for short term disability while my Hubs was out with his depression. UUUGGHH! Anyway after shopping the kids really wanted pizza so I got 2 ordered, they actually were free because Dead River has these Pizza Club cards that get marked when you buy pizza OR fill up with gas…ours typically gets filled when we buy gas. So with 2 filled I got dinner free…for the kids…so I thought….before…I smelled them all the way home!!!

    I had 5! Yes that is not a typo! I ate 5 slices. I could not believe it!

    A great day until I caved to the smell of pizza…ok I can’t beat myself up over this I know even before on Core* I was not perfect, in fact after weigh in I would have a fast food dinner of choice, so this is where I am.

    I have got to get my back and knees to stop hurting. I hate it!! Tomorrow I again have a clean slate, one I plan on making with a majority of good Core* choices!


    Monday, July 18, 2011

    Up & Up

    My weight that is!!

    I weighed in and gained…not happy but now am more determined to be focused on what I need to be.

    Now I am pretty certain I know why my back hurts…the weight that has been gained….the cycle I need to stop!

    My mental funk is not here…thankfully

    and my outlook is bright,

    now to just stop the food

    before I bite!

    I have successfully ditched caffeine! Now to ditch the rest and get my eating and exercise back in order.

    I have an appointment with the dietician on August 3rd as well as the Physical Therapist. The first of many appointments coming soon. I will meet with a dietician 2 more times. Once in September and once in October. Then I meet with the psychologist in September and have a consult with a sleep doc in October. So the process is moving.

    With still battling the insurance company for Hubs disability pay, not having any real income since June 10th extra trips are not a possibility right now so I am not going to be able to go to the Surgical Weight Loss Support group tomorrow night…pretty bummed about that one. Hopefully things will be straightened out before the next one on August 5th.


    Thursday, July 7, 2011

    He Is Back

    Hubs went back to work this morning after 3 days of severe anxiety over it. He talked with his Doc and she said she would be concerned if he was NOT anxious, so he dealt and has pushed through and is there now.

    I too am a bit anxious for him, never have seen him this way, he is typically so laid back it is irritating. But here we go hopefully on the road to a relative normality in our home.

    Yesterday was an ok day, did not make I to the gym as Hubs was up all night in the bathroom “worshipping the porcelain throne”, it was wicked hot in our house…living in Maine and no AC means on the few hot nights it, can be really bad…could NOT fall asleep, finally did about 4AM, supposed to get up at 5 for the gym and there was no way it was happening, so I slept until 8, 4 hours is better than none I guess. I dragged all day and so wanted some coffee…but I was good and did not have any.

    Onto the daily eats..

    It was just a quick banana and decaf coffee with skim and Truvia

    Snack consisted of 3 Laughing Cow Cheese Wedges , these have been a fave of mine since I was a little kid!

    Lunch, loved lunch actually was Natural Peanut Butter  with some Honey Bitz sprinkled and a half a banana on one side and sliced strawberries on the other….LOVED it!!!

    Dinner we went out to a Chinese place…China One and I had a small helping of veggie rice, an eggroll and 3 crab Rangoon. Loved it!

    So not too bad…


    Wednesday, July 6, 2011

    Not In a Day

    The decision to have weight loss surgery does not happen in a day…a week…even a month. It comes after many tries at losing weight only to have it boomerang back with extra. At least this is my process and I am still not 100% sure I will go through with it. I am in the process of weighing my decisions and learning all I can.

    I used to be one of those who the thought of anyone having weight loss surgery as it scaring the heck out of me! You do hear of horror stories, they at one time seemed to outshine the success stories, at least in my realm of friends and such. They are definitely still there, but I am also finding many many success stories through it as well.

    I also used to be of the thought…NO WAY!!

    Now I am open to it.

    I think there are many roads that will lead you to your final destination…that of being at a happy healthy weight…I have tried many, found partial success and then tried another. I know this is not an easy route…despite what many say and think (they really should research). It is probably in some instances harder than ones I have already been down, but the truth is I am not happy with how I look and how I feel and I have tried many many ways. After learning about some of the hormones in the stomach and how they are effected with the surgery many things now make sense to me.

    I struggle daily with food issues…cravings…relentless hunger and going to a gym has not seemed to help any of these, in fact I am gaining…again! So I will not stop going to the gym, I will continue and continue to explore this next route…that of having weight loss surgery. I know many out there will have my back and many will not. Just know this is a very hard decision I have in front of me and am very thankful for those supporters I do have…my cheerleaders. Thank you!


    Tuesday, July 5, 2011

    A Late Start

    My day in eats is sort of not on a typical side today as I woke with a migraine and did not get up until around 10:30. So my lunch was really my brunch.

    I had coffee…unleaded…with some Truvia  and skim milk in it. I then made 2 garden veggie burgers and paired it with some unsweetened applesauce. It hit the spot and the garden burgers…THEY were awesome! It was the first time I had tried them, will be having them again.

    Early afternoon we were going to the gym since I did not wake up when I intended to. So it was a protein shake for me as I was getting a bit on the hungry side and knew I would not give my all if I was hungry.  I made it using Pure Protein, Vanilla Cream, skim milk and frozen strawberries…oh and a dash of Torani Sugar-Free Raspberry Syrup. It hit the spot and helped me keep going in my routine.

    I love the fact our gym has a pool, so after the sweaty workout the kids hit the pool and enjoyed a swim before the storms descended upon us.

    Dinner…umm it was so good! I was so hungry I forgot to take a picture . However it was a veggie taco mix made with black beans and gimme lean veggie “burger” mix. I added corn to the mix and toasted up some corn tortillas until crisp. I layered 2 with the mixture topped with a little low-fat pepper jack and sour cream…oh it was so good.

    After dinner and the kids settled, the tummy was a rumbling again, so I made a cup of ginger herbal decaf tea with just a little Truvia. I had air-popped popcorn topped with a drizzle of Olive Oil and Nutritional Yeast Seasoning with a bit of sea salt.

    I was able to get to the gym and made good choices though looking back I seemed really low in the fruit and veggie area. Tomorrow that is what I will focus on a bit more.


    Monday, July 4, 2011

    Weigh In

    I really dislike the scale…very much but today I made the day to weigh myself and get this program into high gear. I know I can lose weight…it is making it to goal and staying there I have the problem with. I have been teetering all the while here doing the research and such about weight loss surgery and the pros and cons to each of them.

    So me being wishy washy and not weighing myself has gotten me above my highest ever.

    Am I going to beat myself up over it?

    Nope, others will do that enough for me and have as of late. I know they mean well, they just do not realize how their words hurt. So I will be kind and gentle to myself and move on knowing I am going to make progress. I already have. I stepped on that scale…saw the number…sighed and am moving on.

    I lost 50 pounds on the old core program with Weight Watchers…so again I am committed to following that program as I go through the Surgical Weight Loss Program. At least this month until I meet with the dietician. She may have other plans for me, but while I am on my own so to speak I know this works for me and I am going to work this.

    My journey seemed to come to a halt…now I am on the road again, only a new route, one I have not traveled down before, taking the initial steps in familiar territory.

    I have been going back over my postings…looking for some positive things and came across Positive Affirmation and Stress…Does It Do A Body Good? Definitely some things for me to put into practice and remember.

    Today’s Weight: 355.8


    Saturday, July 2, 2011


    Last night I went to A Surgical Weight Loss Support Meeting and learned yet a little more. The first meeting I went to only 1 person had gone the Vertical Sleeve route, this time 2 did and the dietician heading up the meeting asked for their email address in the event they wanted to share with others thinking about that type of surgery…That would be me.

    I know the band is not for me and I would rather my guts not be all rearranged so I am leaning towards the sleeve option, along with keeping an open mind about the bypass. I am learning a lot and love that those who are post op share there experiences…good and bad. I plan on attending all I can.

    I also received my first 4 appointments in the mail and I have a physiologist that will be contacting me to make an appointment along with my local hospital for a sleep apnea workup. I meet with the dietician and the physical therapist next month and then the dietician again in September and October. Then hopefully somewhere in between now and October I can get the other 2 things done and if I am going the surgery route I am hoping to get a date with the surgeon sometime late October, November time.

    I keep finding myself going back and forth, yes I want it, no I do not want it. I am told this is quite normal and to continue to attend the WLS support group and ask questions. That is what I am doing.

    I am finding with this pending my decision I ma rally really struggling with eating choices. I have given up caffeine…my beloved coffee. I do not drink soda often so no biggie there. I am currently working on no fast food, which I will admit is quite difficult, especially in our on the go routines we have, we seem to always be getting up last minute and going somewhere, thus the drive thru is a frenemy. I am working through that trying to make things that can be grab and go but we are again without an income as we battle the insurance company for Hubs short term disability. So no shopping, eating off wheat we have here and some of it is not so great and definitely not a grab and go. So it tends to be quicker and cheaper to grab a meal off the dollar menu at fast food. UGH. I will get past this and break free though. I am constantly looking for better alternatives.

    I did organize my pantry and Monday I am hitting the freezer and fridge.

    The day has been sunny, breezy and warm and we have been out in I and enjoying it very much. I love this weather and am definitely making the most of it given it does not last long here.

    The kids had a great time running around and playing, I love watching them do this and who knows maybe I will be joining them in this play next year.

    Are you enjoying the weekend so far?


    Friday, July 1, 2011

    The Waking Hour

    So after making my protein shake we were off…about 5:45. Got in a good workout, lots of sweat and it felt good!

    Hmm gotta get better at taking a photo when I am done.

    So I am off for a positive day, great to get the morning started this way.

    How do you like starting your morning to get on a positive note?


    Thursday, June 30, 2011

    Nothing New

    5  days since my last post…anything new? A little… Hubs is finally feeling better! Yeah! He even has a date to go back to work…next Tuesday. On the flip side we are still fighting the insurance with his short term disability claim. He was approved for the first month, so again now we are a month…no income. SIGH. Then on top of that frustration people at work have been talking smack we just found out. As if what Hubs does is any of their concern?

    A friend let us know all the talk…see Hubs has a passion for photography…big time, but even with his depression initially he was not even interested in it…very concerning. So through speaking to his therapist she prescribed him to get involved with his photography…to engage his creativeness and focus on that to help him through this…he did…it has helped and in the process local newspaper has picked up his stories and photos…no pay. SO these people assume he is getting rich and on disability…saying things like “oh he cannot do that” and making a big deal out of this. Why do people have to be so negative and make such a fuss over things that do not concern them in the least.

    Anyway it is just frustrating. So in other news, I am still waiting for my appointments to arrive for my next step in the WLS program. I think I meet with the dietician first, but we will see, I am going to a support meeting this Friday where I am hoping to meet more new people, both that have been through the surgery, to hear the good, bad and ugly as well as others contemplating the thought.

    I have been experimenting with high protein shakes and am happy to say I have found several variations I like quite well, now to just run by the dietician when I see her to be sure they are indeed within the guidelines.

    The other day when we went to the gym the pool was open!! The kids had a good time, me I did not go in, this time, though am thinking I might today as long as the storms stay away after our workout.

    What is new on your journey?


    Saturday, June 25, 2011


    That is the main ingredient in this mornings shake.

    I woke today with a vicious migraine and so was in bed until about 10:30 so only now at 11:00 am I having my breakfast. But it is a yummy one.

    Raspberry Breakfast Shake

    • 1 scoop EAS Whey Protein Vanilla
    • 1c soy milk
    • 3/4c frozen raspberries
    • splash Torani Sugar Free Raspberry Syrup

    Place all in blender…whirl, pour and enjoy!

    16 ounces of pure yumminess!

    It is really stormy here and not such a hot day but will still make the most of it. Later I am meeting a friend who is also considering WLS. I told her we could share information we have found and she is going to possibly be going with me to the support group next Friday.

    How did you start your morning off?


    Friday, June 24, 2011

    Shake This Way

    Breakfast was a hemp watermelon shake...

    Nutiva Organic Hemp Protein

    About 1 cup frozen watermelon

    1c soy milk

    Place in blender and whirl…enjoy

    Lunch was another high protein shake

      • 1c soy milk
      • Nutiva Organic Hemp Protein
      • 2 strawberries
      • 2 handfuls fresh spinach
      • 1/2c frozen watermelon
      • 1/2c frozen blueberries
      • Splash Torani Raspberry Sugar-Free Syrup

    again place all in blender and whirl until smooth and enjoy.

    Dinner was...

    2 mcdoubles, no buns and a parfait.

    What was on your menu today?



    Gloomy day will NOT get me gloomy. Hubs is agitated BUT feeling a bit better today. So good to see a smile on his face.

    Getting back to the normal blogging here is a recap of yesterdays eats…

    Breakfast was a strawberry protein shake.

    • 1scoop EAS Vanilla Whey Protein
    • 1c frozen strawberries
    • 1c soy milk

    Lunch we went to our local hospital cafeteria and I got a salad…no photo though.

    Dinner was pasta with some chicken, peppers and a Classico Roasted Red Pepper Alfredo sauce. It was very good, but again no photos…sorry, trying to get that back together because I really like being able to look back on it.

    I am feeling pretty positive, that is a good thing and I am still researching…praying about…and continuing in the WLS program.


    Thursday, June 23, 2011

    Back And Forth

    Tuesday I attended the New Patient Orientation at the Surgical Weight Loss Program. I did not learn a whole lot more than I already have found out through researching but was good to hear the particulars of this particular program.

    To be totally honest I am not sure if I will go through with the surgery. I am conflicted really. I am going to go through the steps though because even just sitting in on the support group was amazing to hear the stories and they did not hold back, they told all the good…bad…ugly. There were people who had some complications, one lady wound up back in the hospital due to her intestines wrapping around her remainder of the stomach 22 times! Would she go through it all again…she emphatically said yes as did all the others there.

    The nutritionist was very forthright as well in telling us there were 2 deaths due to complications in the surgeries as what they were.

    The program is designed that I will meet with several people prior to ever meeting the surgeon and it was also said that about 20% of those in that class would not get surgery, either their decision or the teams determination that this would not be a good fit, so I am definitely staying in the program and using it as well as the tool it is. To continue to explore my options.

    I literally am going moment to moment changing my mind on this. SO It is being kept close in prayer and I am following their recommendations for my track to surgery, knowing at the last minute I CAN change my mind. It will not hurt, all their recommendations are things that should be implemented in a healthy lifestyle anyway.


    Tuesday, June 21, 2011

    Time Is A Tickin’

    It is just after noon on Tuesday. The day I have a new patient appointment and I am beginning to feel very anxious.

    Am I doing the right thing? Should I just keep trying the way I have been and keep pushing? All sorts if emotions seem to be coming up.

    All this after a 7am appointment with hubs for his meds. I think we are finally seeing some improvement!! He has had 2 good days in a tow now and we finally found a listening ear regarding his main medicine he takes. A few months back the insurance company no longer would cover his name rand and made him change to a generic. Ugh!! after the discussion this morning with his new doc we have added she concurs this absolutely could have been the cause of the depression escalation!!!!!! Oh I just wanna scream!!!

    Anyway yesterday our primary doc finally was able to push through with the insurance the name brand med he had been on all these years without incident. My prayers are we are going to see the happy Hubs again real soon. We will meet later this week with his counselor and next Tuesday again with this new med management doc. As far as my WLS appointments we...I will know more after my appointment and support meeting.

    For mow I am sitting relaxing with hubs at Borders until the time for my appointment at 2 and my kiddies are having fun with some friends making all sorts of crafts and making no bake treats.


    Friday, June 17, 2011


    Today I made positive changes.

    • I got to the gym.
    • I have had a protein shake for breakfast and after my workout.
    • I ate a high protein salad for lunch.
    • I am having another protein shake for dinner.

    We all went to the gym actually which was great. I did 20 minutes slow training and then 10 minutes on the treadmill. I started to get a headache only only right side when I was on my next to last machine. I thought I was over them, I guess not. None the less it interfered with my last machine and my time on the treadmill…BUT I made it there and am putting it to go again on Monday.

    It felt really good to get there and I need to remember that to get out my front door regularly.

    I am using EAS 100% Whey Protein Vanilla as the protein source for my shakes. This morning I added half a frozen banana and 1c frozen strawberries to 1 c soymilk. After my workout my shake was just the protein and soymilk. For dinner it is going to be the protein mixed with some red dragon tea that is caffeine free that I am steeping right now. I am so bummed though because I just found out my favorite chai tea is NOT caffeine free!

    I guess I need to try to find one that is. But I do however have some decaffeinated teas and coffees I will be using to mix with the protein powder.

    I plan on getting on the scale on Monday and see how I have done with the regimen I am taking on, also it will give me a glimpse into what to expect if I am getting on the scale during my appointment on Tuesday. Not 100% sure what exactly to expect at this initial appointment. It is 2 hours long and the 2 hour support meeting after.

    I also NEED to remember to measure myself, that is a big thing I keep forgetting to do.

    I am currently watching my younger 2 kiddos wash our van…love watching them work together.


    Tuesday, June 14, 2011

    It Stopped Me Cold!

    I have been researching and researching and researching all about WLS, the before and after's, the good, the bad, the ugly. The diet…before and after. What you will be giving up prior to and after surgery.

    I came across something…something silly really in the big scheme of things…that made me really stop…think…do I want to even finish looking through and researching this option.

    Do you want to know what stopped me…seriously?

    Caffeine! YES, my coffee!!!!!

    Will I? Can I? Do I want to give up my coffee?!

    I mean I remember how miserable I was doing the 30 day vegan challenge…miserable! Can I do this? Again…just the eliminating caffeine part. Oh my! I sort of began to panic!

    Then I regained myself…composed myself…talked to myself for about an hour. I CAN do this! I WILL do this! I WANT to do this! It is only caffeine! Do I need it? No not really and when I really sit and think about it why do I consume something that ultimately has the potential to control me?! I mean really!

    Who is in control? Me? Or Food?

    Obviously food has been in control of me for a long time or I would not be in the position I am now, right? So what a great first step in my progress to kick caffeine to the curb! I will no longer allow anyone or thing but ME to control my actions and decisions! (sounds good doesn’t it? Yeah I thought so too, but realistically I know this is going to be a hard uphill battle)

    This is my first day with no coffee and at 8:25 I am feeling a headache…is it real or imagined? Either way my fight needs to begin today.

    Here are the steps I am taking to prepare me…

    • no caffeine
    • no fast food
    • no soda
    • 1200 calories a day
    • 30 – 60 minutes exercise 3 times a week
    • focusing on protein first making sure I am getting at least 60g a day in

    The countdown continues as my New Patient Orientation appointment is next Tuesday. Where I get the information from this particular WLS center. One thing I did find out is that there are only 3 surgeons doing WLS with robotic technology…2 are here in Bangor with this particular program and apparently this center is world renown.


    Monday, May 9, 2011

    Not What I Expected

    I talked with my hubs today and I gotta tell you that our conversation by no means turned out as I thought it would.

    I fully expected him to celebrate the fact I am even considering it. Here is how I thought it would go...

    "Oh honey I am so happy you finally are going to get that surgery and finally lose all that weight."

    Simple easy let's go.

    This is not at all how it went at all. It went more like this instead...

    "Honey why are you going to do that? You have been doing so good at the gym why are you giving up? This really is a pattern you seem to have sabotaging yourself."

    My reply is "I know and that is why, I just want to get this weight off once and for all."

    He then shared with me he just met 2 people that had gastric bypass surgery some years ago and they are the biggest two people he has ever seen and they are even husband and wife.

    What he proposed was we listen to what Ed said and eat 2,000 calories and exercise 3 days a week.

    Ed told my husband that when we first began going to the gym. Ed is the owner of the gym we belong to as well as a trainer that has trained many Champion body builders.

    My hubs also shared with me that it was me that inspired him to go to the gym and that he feels he is the one who has impeded me on me getting to the gym because he says he will go and then does not.

    He proposed we work together on this... This is a new side to him I have not ever seen because my weight is such a touchy subject with him I have really been all alone struggling with this all the while knowing it bothers him. Such a vicious cycle this has been.

    I'm really not sure what to think. I need to let this sink in for sure because it is new for me.

    Ok so his (Hubs) proposition was we give it a year and see where we are then.

    I'm seriously mulling this over now. And here I thought this would be an easier decision after talking to Hubs. Not so!!


    Saturday, April 9, 2011

    Just A Random Post

    Today is 2 weeks from my New Patient Orientation appointment. I am feeling sort of numb over it, which is better than being anxious at least. I guess.

    We just attended our annual convention this past weekend where I was spiritually up built…as much as one can be with these other things weighing on my mind. I am working on placing those burdens on God as directed to do so in the Bible…and leaving them there. That is my issue though, I have a bad habit of taking them back.

    Hubs is still struggling. It seems he does great for a day or two or even three and then plummets again despite the meds increase. He actually was able to get in and see a specialist to deal with the meds yesterday and we will hopefully see some improvement soon. On an up note his disability claim was approved…for the first month he was out, now to work on the next and current one we are in. So some things will be able to be paid, others will still need to wait.

    Mentally I feel as if my thoughts are running all around like a dogs chasing their tails and bumping into each other. I sometimes cannot even get words to formulate to speak or even think them.

    I feel really beat down…not all the time, but sometimes. Then the numbness feeling comes. I am doing my best dealing with this and trying to shield my kiddos as best as possible. I love Hubs and hurt for him. I cannot fully admit to knowing exactly how he feels or what he is going through, all I know is his sadness hurts me for him…does that make sense?

    To take pictures or not to take pictures. I love photos I think no matter the content they describe things so much better than words possibly could. I have an issue though. I have misplaced my battery charger for my camera! SIGH The brain has been really scattered of late and this is one of the results of it. I want to take my food pics…for me…it is a good diary to show what I am eating, but cannot. My Ipod does have a camera though the pics are not that great however may go ahead and use it anyway.

    Yep another random post.

    I am moving forward indeed with the weight loss surgery at this point. Knowledge is what I am looking for…help…understanding…support.